No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
