when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
