and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize