I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
