I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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