He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
