how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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