If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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