Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
