I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
