i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
