I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
