im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
