Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
