with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
