So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
