sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
