honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
