you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
