I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
