An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
