I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
