Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
