if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
