Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
