I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
