Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
last night I used snow as a chaser
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
