I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
