my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
