Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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