So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
