i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
