This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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