you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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