How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize