No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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