can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
True college students do jello shots in the library
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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