No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
