Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
