i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
