Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
