i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
