Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
