the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
