so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
