nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
