I wish you could order shots online.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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