dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
