I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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