So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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