well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
