the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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