Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
