Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
