So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
