Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
