i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
