Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Yeah, where have you been?

(407): View more from Florida

Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.

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(469): View more from Texas

There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice

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(573): View more from Missouri

You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.

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(404): View more from Georgia

So vagazzling was a success

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(912): View more from Georgia

I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero

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