Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
