If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
