On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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