ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
