It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
time to smoke my breakfast
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
