we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
