I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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