I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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