If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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