She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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