I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
