escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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