dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
