either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
