The brown eye won't let me do that either.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
