my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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