Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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