how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
