I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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