So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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