Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
