What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
