is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
